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MARRIAGE FUN
Divorce is the past tense of marriage.
Two's company and three's a divorce.
Love is the shortest distance between two marriages.
Divorce is the price people pay for playing with matches.
Divorce results when a husband decides he's too good to be true.
With today's divorce rate, most of the courting comes after the wedding.
Divorce is the result of him losing his capital, and her losing her
interest.
Life in Hell
A gangster dies and is sent to Hell.
He's wandering around the place, which doesn't look too bad to him, wondering what's going to happen next. He finds the Devil and asks him what's going on.
The Devil replies, "Hey, this is a great place. Do you like to eat?"
"Sure," says the gangster, "I like to eat."
"Oh, you ll love Monday's. On Monday's we have the biggest buffet you've ever seen with every kind of food. You can eat as much as you want without feeling full or gaining weight. It's great!
Do you like woman, too?"
"Sure, I love women." says the gangster.
"You'll love Tuesday's. On Tuesday's you can have all the women you have ever wanted, any shape or size, all the sex you can handle and you never get tired."
"That's wonderful," replied the gangster.
"It is, but that's not all. Do you like to drink?"
"Absolutely."
"Wednesday's drinking day. Drink all you want, never get too drunk, no hangovers, it's wonderful!"
"Sure sounds like a great place to me."
"It is. Do you like men?"
"No, I definitely don't like men."
"Hmm. Well then you're not going to like Thursdays!!!"
A woman desperately looking for work goes to apply for a job. The personnel
Manager goes over her resume and explains to her that he regrets he has
nothing worthy of her. The woman answers that she really needs work and will
take almost anything. The Personnel Manager hems and haws and finally says
he does have a low skill job on the Tickle Me Elmo line. the woman happily
accepts. He takes her down to the line and explains her duties and that she
could start at 8:00AM the following day. The next day at 8:45, there's a
knock on the Personnel Manager's door. The foreman comes in and starts
ranting about the woman he had hired. After screaming for 15 minutes about
how badly backed up the assembly line is, the Personnel Manager asked him to
show him the problem. Together they head down to the line and sure enough,
Elmos are backed up from here to kingdom come. Right at the end of the line
is the woman. She has pulled over a roll of material used for the Elmos and
has a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of
fabric and takes two marbles and sews them between Elmo's legs. The
Personnel Manager starts to kill himself laughing and finally after twenty
minutes of rolling around, he pulls himself together and walks over to the
woman and says, I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. What I
wanted you to do was give Elmo two test tickles.
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